Childlike Faith

I was reminded of the meaning of childlike faith today in a way that was both painful and beautiful. I'm set to have surgery on Wednesday to correct a herniated disk. As many of you know when you have to deal with insurance companies and doctor's offices, it can be as painful as the surgery itself.  I'll try to give you the short version without boring you with all the details. I have an insurance policy that pays for a limited number of services. When I called to make sure everything was set for my surgery, I was notified that I had already used up all (2) of my outpatient visits.  I was told that if I paid the bill for one of the outpatient claims it would free up my outpatient visit so I could have the surgery. Well, today after I paid for what I thought was the only bill, I learned that there was another bill that had to be paid. I was devastated! The poor insurance lady probably thought there was more wrong with me than just a herniated disk when I begin to sob on the phone with her.

It was already a stretch for me to pay the one bill, now there were 2 bills!!! I couldn't believe it! So I regained my composure and thought alright I'm going to call the doctor's office that had the other bill and try to see if they will let me pay it. The allowable amount that the insurance company was going to pay was $333.00. I called and explained my situation and the billing person in the doctor's office explained to me that she would be glad to reverse it, but since I would be self-pay I would need to pay $1050.00 today. Are you kidding???!!! I explained that the insurance company was only going to pay them $333.00, but she insisted that I would have to pay the total $1050.00. I begged for her to help me out, yet there would be no grace. Once again, the tears came flowing!! I got off the phone with her and began to sob uncontrollably.  The last 2 months have been so trying. I'm in constant pain. I get mild relief with drugs which I know are not probably good for me to take. I was looking forward to having surgery with the hope that I would for the first time in months not have excruciating pain in my leg. I was overwhelmed with disappointment.

During all of my phone calls and moments of breaking down into sobs, I didn't realize Andie was on the bed with me listening and waiting. As I filled my pillow with the tears of disappointment and despair, she came and sit beside me and put her hand on my arm and said "Momma, God can help." I was thinking "I know He can, but why hasn't He?" She asked me, "Do you want to pray with me?" Not feeling like praying, but knowing I need to, I responded, "Yes, please pray for me." Then I witnessed what childlike faith truly looks like. She prayed, "God I know you can help Momma. Lord, you can do anything. Please help Momma to know that you can help her. Lord, please help my Momma." I had witnessed the childlike faith that Jesus spoke so boldly and tenderly about to His disciples.

Andie's display of childlike faith jerked me back to realize the faith that I had been given as a child of the Most High God.  In Matthew 18:1-5 Jesus' disciples had asked Him who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. I'm not sure why they wanted to know this, but if they are anything like me, they wanted to know the standard for being the best. If they knew the standard, maybe they could emulate it and achieve the same status. I know I put a lot of weight in my own ability and effort. That is why I become so disappointed when things don't work out the way that I want them to. This disappointment grows into the emotion of despair when I feel like my hands are tied, I've run out of resources and I can't fix the problem. Can you relate?  Jesus' response to the disciples question had to of thrown them for a loop. As Jesus brings a little child to his side for a visual aide, He tells them that unless they become like little children they will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Now it wasn't even an issue of being the greatest, it was now an issue of simply entering the kingdom. Jesus goes on to explain that becoming like a child involves humbling themselves like a child. What does it mean to humble yourself like a child? Children are so trusting. A child will believe you when you tell them something. If you tell them you saw a flying elephant or a talking pig they will believe you. It is a wholehearted belief and trust that they place in the person telling them the information. Jesus wants us to humble ourselves and exercise a wholehearted devotion to Him. To believe that He is who He says He is. Who does He say that He is? He is the same God that spoke the earth, sun, moon, stars, galaxies and every living creature into existence. (John 1:1-2) To believe that He can do what He says he can do. He cancelled our debt of sin when He died on the cross for our sin. (Colossians 2:13-14) To believe that He will do what He says He will do. When He returns we will be raised with Him in glory. (Colossians 3:4)

For me today, I am challenged to humble myself as a child and believe that God can work around insurance companies and doctors. I am challenged to humble myself as a child and believe that if He doesn’t permit me to have the surgery now then He can use my suffering for His greater glory. I am challenged to humble myself as a child and believe that He knows what’s best for me, He wants what’s best for me and He is able to accomplish what’s best for me all to His glory, honor and praise. I’m not sure what that looks like or feels like, but I am asking Him to help my unbelief and to simply trust Him. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Where Thieves Break In And Steal

Yesterday, I learned one of the teachings I recently taught in a very personal way.   My Mom had taken Andie and I to the mall. Andie had received a gift card for her birthday that was needing to be used. Andie, who is 8 years old, is not an easy child to dress. She wants it to be cute, but comfortable. Not always a combination that comes together. We finally found her a dress that she thought she would wear. I thought, finally, maybe a Sunday morning without drama. My poor mother was responsible for carrying the bags, as I've been struggling with a herniated disk in which I'm to have surgery next week. We didn't have very many things, just a couple of bags filled with bottles of soaps and makeup. We couldn't resist the 4 for $15 deal at Bath and Body and of course the free gift deal at the make-up counter. We stopped into a couple of stores and then decided we are going to make our last stop the children's shoe department to find a pair of spring/summer sandals. Again, dealing with mission impossible, cute and comfortable!!  I reach down to pick up the bag with the cute and comfortable dress only to find it missing. I asked my Mom if she had it and she said that it was with the other bags. Well, we soon learn the bag with the cute and comfortable dress is missing. My Mom retracks our steps only to come back empty handed. I call the store in which we purchased the bag to let them know if someone returns it to please give me a call.

As we were lamenting our lost dress, now convinced that someone must have taken it, I thought of the lesson I recently had taught on making Jesus our treasure. You see, I was finding out how much my heart was finding satisfaction in that dress. Not only in the dress, but in my daughter's satisfaction and happiness. Would the loss of the dress ruin my day, steal my joy or even make me angry? My mind remembered the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where theives break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I was faced with whether this was something I just taught or if this was truly what I believed. There is a difference.  How much value do I place on worldly possessions? Is Christ really my treasure? This test, and it was a test, was searching my heart to see how much satisfaction I derived from a simple possession. It wasn't much, but it certainly had my heart for a second. Convicting!!  As I have thought on this and repented of putting my satisfaction in something that a moth or thief could steal, I thought how different Jesus is as our treasure. It doesn't matter if a plague of moths come upon us, the environment causes an overwhelming torrent of rust or a group of master theives break in and steal all of our possessions, we, who have received Christ Jesus as our treasure, have an imperishable, undefiled, unfading inheritance in heaven. (1 Peter 1:4) Not only that, but this treasure, (I love this part) is being guarded by God's power. My Mom and I were so disappointed in ourselves for not taking care of the possessions we were carrying. We thought we should've put them all in one big bag, instead of trying to carry them separately. In hindsight it was so foolish. Yet, 1 Peter 1:4-5 tells us that God's power guards our inheritance in Christ. His power supercedes our foolish mistakes and even our greatest sin. If there is anything that should replace our joy and fill us up to the fullness more than any worldly possession could ever think of doing, it is reminding ourselves of the inheritance we have in Christ, with Christ, that is protected by God's divine power. So, I ask myself, Where is my heart? "For where your treasure is there your heart will be also."